Come Home
Sitting alone with my thoughtsI feel the tears come againThey run down my faceLike rain in the desertAnd I'm not ashamedFor I've seen stronger men cryFor far less than thisAnd so I cry and I cryUntil the tears fall no longerAnd then I stare at your pictureAnd wonder where in the darknessYou have gone?
I just hope thatWherever you've goneYou'll come home soon
All I wanted was to help youBut you pushed me awayTime and againLike I meant nothingUntil my tears became fortressesTo protect me from your armies of painYou hurt me so muchThat I didn't think it could hurt any moreAnd now I know I was right about everythingBut it brings me no comfortI just wish that you'd heard me earlierSo that perhaps we wouldn't be here today
And I hope thatWherever you've goneYou'll come home soon
And I know that deep in your heartYou didn't mean the things you saidAnd I know that in your right mindYou never would have done itBut something deep insideHas got its hold on youA monster eating awayThat's filled you with lies and deceptionBut I know it's not youAnd so I forgive youI just hope that in timeYou can forgive yourself too
And I hope thatWherever you've goneYou'll come home soon
It would break my heart if you ended your lifeSo we'll find a way through this togetherI can't promise not to be angryOr not to cry or feel betrayedBut I promise to still be thereAnd I'll take your hand and lead you forwardAnd walk with you through the darknessInto the lightAnd whatever the future bringsWe'll face it one day at a timeAnd get through it togetherSo please come home soon
PleaseWherever you've goneCome home soon
I wrote this poem over the course of the last week. I wrote it in two sessions and it's probably the fastest poem I have ever written; it took about two hours to write and each time I sat down, the words poured straight out and needed very little editing, which is unusual for me.
The poem really started as a way of processing a very difficult situation my family has been going through these last few weeks. A member of my family tried to commit suicide two weeks ago; while I don't want to say who it was publicly, it was someone who is very close to me and it was an extremely close call and it has left me absolutely devastated.
It came without any real warning and I've been going through a mix of different emotions since, predominantly shock, and also anger. The anger isn't necessarily over the attempt itself but over other factors as well and while it's a natural response, I realised several days ago that I haven't really been processing it properly and the anger has been making my pain a lot worse as well and it's something I have to try to let go of. So writing this poem has been my way of trying to do that and to accept what happened.
The poem is probably the most personal one I've written and is based on my own thoughts and feelings but I've also tried to make it so that hopefully everyone can see a bit of themselves in it too. I wanted it to feel personal but unique as well so that hopefully everyone who reads it can get something different out of it.
The photo by the way is one of the first street photos I took, of a man who seemed a bit lost in his own world. He didn't even notice me taking the photo and I thought the scene suited the poem.
I hope you like the poem and that it brings some hope and beauty to a dark situation, one I know many people find themselves in. Mental illness and chronic depression are terrible ordeals, not just for those suffering them but their families as well. ~ CJ.
Photo: The Long Road Home © CJ Levinson 2011 Poem licenced under Creative Commons