Getting Older

I turned 40 yesterday. Or, as I have been saying for the last few weeks, 39 + 1. The joke’s gotten a few laughs and eye rolls but honestly it’s not that far off how I feel about turning 40.

When I was young 40 seemed old and it was hard to even imagine myself at that age. Now that I really am 40, well, I do feel older but no more so than when I turned 35, or 30. The only thing that feels different from a few years ago is that my back hurts and I weigh a little more than I would like.

I wasn’t expecting it to feel any different - age is just a number after all - but we place so much emphasis on these milestones that it’s hard not to feel the weight of them at times.

I certainly have felt it this past week. I've found myself reflecting a lot on where I am in my life and everything that’s happened in the last ten years, particularly since moving from Sydney.

To be honest I’m not where I thought I would be when I was younger. Back then I thought I would have a novel under my belt by now, have travelled more, maybe be married, etc. I certainly didn’t see myself leaving Sydney.

Perhaps I was a little naive back then but life just didn’t go the way I thought it would. My writing fell away due to ill health and at times I've felt like I'm just surviving rather than living.

But more recently things have been going well. I feel happy, and settled, and overall I'm pretty content with where I am in life. I feel like I have started to come in to my own and I can’t ask for much more than that.

I think a lot of that contentedness has come from my photography. Particularly my landscapes; being out in nature, capturing a beautiful sunset, is my happy place and photography has become an important part of my mental health as well as my profession.

Getting in to food photography has been a nice surprise as well. It wasn't an area I'd considered much before but when Covid happened, most of my other shoots went away. So I started helping restaurants get their menus online during the lockdowns and it turned out I really enjoyed it and had an eye for it too.

Now the majority of my professional work is food photography and I feel very lucky to have been able to make that my focus. It’s never boring and I get to meet so many interesting people and businesses all over the Hunter.

I feel content now but some of the last ten years have been particularly rough. Both my grandparents passed away and I almost lost mum too, twice. My health has fluctuated as well and several relationships ended.

Probably the hardest period though was moving to Newcastle. I had lived in Sydney for most of my life and the idea of moving away was daunting. It was also something of a forced move as, after my father had a breakdown, my mother and I were facing homelessness and we left Sydney to stay with my grandparents for 9 months until a social housing unit became available.

It was a very difficult time and I struggled with depression and PTSD from everything we had been through. But, hard as it was, it also allowed us to be there for my grandparents when they needed us the most and that is something I will always be grateful for.

With time things started to turn around and now Newcastle is home. The natural beauty of the area has helped me heal and I have met a wonderful partner here too. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

So I guess turning 40 (or 39 + 1) is a bit complicated for me. It brings back some painful memories but also a lot of good ones. I genuinely feel like I'm in a good place in my life now and hopefully the best is yet to come.

Here's to where the next decade takes me — and the photos, adventures, and friendships along the way.